The red hot spiky ball — and how one hour of EMDR therapy calmed it.
Lorna TallowinShare
By Lorna, preemie mum & co-founder of SuperDinky
If you've been part of the SuperDinky community for a while, you'll know that I talk openly about the emotional aftermath of NICU. The anxiety, the grief, the way it stays with you long after you've brought your baby home.
But there was one memory I hadn't been able to touch. Not even here.
I can only describe it as a sharp, red hot spiky ball. Something so painful to hold or even look at that the moment it tried to flash up — in a quiet moment, a conversation, a smell — I would throw it away. Hide it. Slam the door on it as fast as I possibly could.
I had become so good at hiding from it that I genuinely wasn't sure I'd ever have to face it. And honestly? I told myself that was fine.
Before Christmas, I paid for EMDR therapy.
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing. It's a type of therapy specifically designed for trauma and painful memories — and it's increasingly recommended for people who have been through NICU. I'd heard about it, read about it, and quietly filed it away in the "maybe one day" folder for about two years.
I want to be honest: I wasn't expecting to feel anything in the session. I had become so practiced at locking this memory away that I assumed I'd just... sit there. Trying EMDR out of curiosity rather than for a real need.
I cried non-stop from start to finish. Like big ugly cry.
With the support of a wonderful therapist (Dr Frankie from Miracle Moon) saying very gentle things over zoom— "bring to mind the memory," "how did it look in the room" — I didn't respond out loud. Instead I just focused on the thoughts that came to mind as my eyes darted between flashing lights on her screen.
We looked at it from every angle, just for a few seconds at a time.
It sounds strange. It felt strange. But something was shifting.
Even straight after the call, I could tell it felt different.
Like a distant memory of something awful, rather than a sharp, painful thing that was happening to me again right now, in real time.
Four months on, I can bring that memory to mind without it feeling red hot. Yes, it is a painful memory. It probably always will be. But now it is exactly that — a memory. It no longer has the power to ambush me. The spiky ball is still there, but it has lost its heat.
I'm sharing this because I know I'm not the only NICU parent carrying something like this. Something too sharp to look at directly. Something you've become very skilled at hiding from.
You don't have to keep hiding from it forever.
A few things worth knowing about EMDR:
It is recommended by the NHS for PTSD and trauma. You don't have to have a diagnosed condition to benefit — many people use it for specific painful memories. Sessions can be done online, which makes it much more accessible. It can feel intense in the moment, but many people notice a shift quickly.
If any of this resonates with you, please know you are not alone. The NICU community has a significantly higher rate of PTSD and postnatal depression than the general population — and so much of it goes unspoken because we feel like we should just be grateful we made it home.
You are allowed to feel both grateful and in pain. You are allowed to still be processing something that happened years ago. You are allowed to ask for help.
And we want to help you get it.
SuperDinky is launching a fund to help NICU graduates access EMDR therapy — because we believe that healing shouldn't depend on having hundreds of pounds spare. I only had one session but its common to need more.
If your child graduated NICU at least a year ago (if your baby is under 1 year and the NHS can support you) and you are carrying the weight of a memory which feels like a sharp red hot spiky ball, we want to support you in getting the therapy that could help.
More details are coming soon. In the meantime, if you think this might be you, please reach out — lorna@superdinky.com — so we can understand who needs this most, what the barriers might be and how to make this idea accessible.
If you're in a position to help fund this work, we'd LOVE to hear from you too. Whether it's a corporate partnership, or a private donation please get in touch.
Help us make this happen! Thank you Lorna x